Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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