He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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