Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
