To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
