I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
