My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
