He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
