woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
