he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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