Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
