True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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