i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
