I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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