apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
