he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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