so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
