I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found puke in my bra..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
