I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
