If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
