FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
