I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
