she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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