So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
