Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
