I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
