I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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