Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
