just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
