dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
