There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
