You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
