I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
