Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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