I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
