Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry about my life...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
