What did we do last night that was yellow?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
