nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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