did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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