I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
