what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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