I am puke
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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