It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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