you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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