.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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