def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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