And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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