at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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