Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm always down for nudity.
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