If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
