Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's not a foreskin expert like you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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