She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
