he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
