return my video game
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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