got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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