I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
