She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
