I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
