....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
