Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
