glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
