I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
