It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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