we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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