That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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