Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
