Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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