Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize