The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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