I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
someone owes me an orgasm
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
