I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
