Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
