we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
