she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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