shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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