New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
