We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
