Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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