You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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